Meeting The Neighbours

As seen in The Toronto Star

 

When David McClean was looking to move, the married father of two gave his real estate agent a fairly standard wish-list: a house in North Toronto close to schools, a park and shopping.

 

There was one more thing, though. David and his wife Kathryn wanted to live in a house they could call a home.

“For me, a large part of making a house a home is having a good relationship with my neighbours. Ultimately, I hope the relationship evolves into friendship,” says David, 42, a self-employed marketing coordinator.

 

Sounds good in theory. But being the fresh face in a new neighbourhood is akin to being the awkward teenager who enrolls in a new high school halfway through the semester.

 

So, what is the proper way to go about meeting your neighbours? Do you wait for them to come calling? Or should you stride over with fresh-baked brownies?

 

According to Lew Bayer, and partner Karen Mallett, who are known as The Etiquette Ladies (www.etiquetteladies.com), generally the new family can expect the existing neighbours to extend the courtesy.

 

“But sometimes people don't want to bother new neighbours until they are settled,” continues Winnipeg-based Bayer, who has lectured and written on etiquette and proper protocol for seven years. “If, after a week or two, no-one has knocked on your door, you should feel comfortable taking the introductions initiative.”

 

Bayer says face-to-face is always best, although dropping a card in the mailbox is okay too. Just remember to keep it short. “When you are getting to know people, less is more in the information department.” First and last names and telephone number are sufficient, she explains.

 

If you’re thinking about bringing over those brownies, The Etiquette Lady cautions that food is not always a good idea because of allergies and other dietary restrictions. She also advises against alcohol.

 

If you’d like to bring something, Bayer suggests flowers, or if they have children, small gifts for the kids is a nice gesture.

 

An invitation for coffee is also acceptable. “Something casual to start is always a good idea,” she adds.

 

David McClean’s real estate agent, Cheri McCann, a 20-year veteran who specializes in Toronto’s centre core, says physical proximity to your neighbours can either help or hinder introductions.

 

“The closer your lot, generally the more interaction there is between neighbours,” says McCann, an associate broker with Sutton Group – Bayview Realty.

 

“On a 25 ft. lot, you should expect there to be more socializing. Neighbourhoods with 50 ft. lots don’t necessarily interact as much. They drive home, park in the garage and then go inside.”

 

McClean and his family, now settled in their new home for over one year, live on a narrow lot. He agrees with McCann’s theory about property size.

 

“Homes in North Toronto typically have smaller lots so you can easily interact with each other,” he says.

 

Smaller lots are also a lot less intimidating. It’s easier to approach someone for the first time who is just a stone’s throw away, rather than traversing a vast stretch of lawn just to utter the words, “Howdy neighbour.”

 

Another factor affecting ease of introductions is weather.

 

“We moved in December, which can be challenging because everyone starts cocooning,” David says. But he and wife Kathryn had a plan.

 

Prior to taking possession, the McCleans drove to their soon-to-be neighbourhood, parked the car and walked the streets. It was Halloween night. The kids were out in full force trick-or-treating, and many of the parents were walking around in costume.

 

“That first experience was amazing,” recalls David, who, along with Kathryn, met some locals including their future next-door neighbour, Jamie Watson.

 

Seven years earlier, Watson, now 39, and his wife moved to the street and were also wowed by its residents’ sociability.

 

“We moved in June and met our neighbours really quickly,” recalls the commercial airline pilot. He says that moving in the spring helped because everyone had come out of hibernation.

 

He also credits one of his neighbours for introducing him and his wife to another neighbour and, “from there it snowballed.”

 

At the time the Watsons were childless, but now they have three kids who have become good pals with the McClean offspring.

 

David considers himself fortunate to have moved into a neighbourhood teeming with young families, although his good luck wasn’t exactly fortuitous.

 

At the outset, he had challenged his agent, Cheri McCann, to find a neighbourhood with young families. He wanted daughter Hannah, who was eight years old at the time, and son Griffin, six, to have the opportunity to meet new friends.

 

“Children are great at meeting others,” David observes. “Their approach is so innocent.”

In fact, he credits his daughter Hannah, now nine, for helping him forge friendships with the Watson family and the neighbours on the other side of his house.

 

“At the time, both sets of neighbours had two children like us, although their kids are a bit younger than ours. One day, soon after we moved in, I went outside to find my daughter holding court like an elder statesman,” he recalls with a laugh.

 

Although Hannah didn’t know it, she had aided the adults in all three families connect through one vital common denominator: their kids.

 

Today, the McClean children have lots of playmates. And, as it turns out, so do their parents.